this message was forwarded to me by kaye...which was forwarded to her by a friend...just read on...

There's one flaw in women,"..................

By the time the Lord made woman, he was into His sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?"

And the Lord answered, "Have you seen My spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but
not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart -- and she will do everything with only two hands."

The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Only two hands!? No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."

" But I won't," the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to My own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days."

The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord."

"She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel. The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate."

The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."

"That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!"

"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.

The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride."

The angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord… You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing."

And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love joy.

They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They
Grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can help to heal a broken heart.

Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They'll drive, fly, walk, run, or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning! They bring joy and hope. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

However if there's one flaw in women, it is that they tend to forget their worth.

i am so mad right now. as in, so mad...grrrrrrr!!!

nako, i thought things will be okay after all those dramas...now, i'm back to finding out the trend in phone calls, extra curricular activities, etc...i just hope things get better. i was ready to do everything to strengthen myself with this man but, the family is not strong. it stands on weak trust and very fragile love...

i still need to sort out a lot of things but, all i can say right now is that I AM HAPPY BECAUSE I ATTAINED MY GOAL!

i will share with you a letter i found in my "baul"...it's nice to reminisce on young love sweet love ni kuya germs...can you believe that i can pour out this much emotions? grabacious! natuwa ako nong nabasa ko ito...at the same time, gusto kong batukan sarili ko...kung alam lang nong lalaking yon na minahal ko sya ng todo todo once upon a time...(sa mga hindi nakasubaybay ng aking maalala-mo-kaya-tanging-ina love story, namnamin nyo na lang kung gaano katindi mga emosyon ko nong sinulat ko ito...)

"...alam mo, mahal na kita kaso, ramdam ko, wala tayong kahihinatnan sa puro tawanan at gimmick lang. never naging seryoso. magkita man tayo, sandali lang. sabi mo, hindi ka pa handa sa mga bagay na gusto kong mangyari. batang isip ka pa kasi. marami ka pang gustong gawin sa buhay mo. ni wala ka ngang trabaho at hindi ka pa makagraduate-graduate. nakasunong ka sa nanay mo at umaasa ka sa kapatid mo. sa madaling salita, wala akong kinabukasan sa yo. wala akong pag-asa. sabi mo nga, ayaw mo pang magkapamilya dahil takot ka sa responsibilidad. kesyo marami ka pang kailangang gawin sa buhay mo bago mo maisip lumagay sa tahimik. pero, hindi ako pwede nang ganito. kahit kailan, hindi ako nagpatumpik-tumpik sa mga relasyon ko sa mga tao. hindi mo maiintindihan panigurado kung sasabihin ko sa 'yong sana, ikaw na ang maging asawa ko, ikaw na ang papakasalan ko kesa mapunta ako sa ibang lalaking hindi ko naman talaga mamahalin ng tulad ng pagmamahal ko sa yo ngayon. kakaiba nga mga nararamdaman ko sa 'yo.

mahal kita kaya sa ngayon, bulag ako sa katotohanan. ganito talaga ako. wala akong pakialam sa kung ano ang mangyayari basta, sa ngayon, ang alam ko, baliw na baliw ako sa 'yo kahit napakaobvious namang wala akong mapapala sa 'yo. ang saya sana kung tayo ang magkakatuluyan. masaya kasi ako kapag kasama kita. tahimik at kalmado ang dating ng buhay pag nasa tabi kita. ramdam ko na may pagmamahal ka rin sa akin pero parang laging pigil. dahil siguro hindi mo matantya mga nararamdaman mo sa ngayon para sa akin--kung magpapakabaliw ka ring tulad ko o aatras ka ng konti para me space ka sakaling magkalokohan. minsan, iniisip ko, gusto mo lang akong makasama dahil wala ka lang talagang magawa sa buhay mo. ako naman si gaga, naka-oo lagi. dapat sa tanda kong ito, alam ko na kung pano iwasan mga taong tulad mo. alam kong pagdating ng panahon, sasaktan mo ako. pero, ewan ko nga ba. ang alam ko, mahal na kita at saan man ako dalhin ng mga emosyon kong ito, hindi ko dapat pagsisihan dahil sinunod ko lang ang gustong gawin hindi ng utak ko kundi ng puso ko.

isang araw, malamang iyakan ko 'tong katangahang ito. baka nga ikabaliw ko pa pero, hindi siguro ako magagalit sa 'yo o sa mundo. kagagawan ko ito. malamang ikasakit ng puso ko sakaling hindi tayo ang magkatuluyan pero, ayos na rin. kesa naman panghinayangan ko iyong panahong hindi ko sinulit dahil natakot akong masaktan. sabi nga nila, sugal nga raw ang magmahal. pero, sana, kahit papaano, manalo naman ako. pwede na rin yong magbreak even lang. tanga nga ako pero, ang alam ko, mahal na nga kita..."

well, back to nonsense. i thought i had him back. but, i guess i was wrong. i just assumed that he's back. i just pretended that he's back. all these problems. i want to let go. i want to just get rid of these emotions. ano ba namannnnnn...

now, i feel so miserable, so fuckin' miserable. i don't know what i'll do now. i am lost. i have all the signs written all over the place but, i am so blind to even see them. i need to find some form of diversion to this depression. i go to the gym but, i don't enjoy working out. this is bad for my health. this makes me cry, puts me to sleep at 4am, makes me crave for sleep, makes me late for work, makes me want to buy a gun and shoot both of them in the head.

i want some peace...how come it's as if i'm not entitled to it? why?????

ALL BEHIND US NOW
Hey, I'm so sorry
that it didn't work the way
that we'd always planned
Hey, I'm so sorry
that you went away
and somehow didn't understand

...
We pretended for so many years, but now
its time wash away my tears

CHORUS

Cause/And it's all behind us now
cause we've learned to live somehow without
each other
And its easy to see, it ain't never
gonna be the same again

And its all behind us now
cause we found a way to live without
each other
And in time we'll have to see
If its ever gonna be that way again
ohh......

...
Hey, I'm so sorry
that I couldn't find the words
that might have made you stay
and hey, it's so funny
how we both can say the same thing in a
different way

...
We pretended for so many years,
but now its over baby
and so are my tears

repeat chorus

...
I was holdin' out for far too long
But now I finally found where I belong

repeat chorus to fade..

I'VE NEVER BEEN TO ME
Hey lady, you lady
cursing at your life
you're a discontented mother
and a regimented wife
I have no doubt
you dream about the things you never do
but I wish someone had talked to me like I wanna talk to you

Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run
Took the hand of a preacher man
and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces
Because I had to be free
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me...

Please lady please lady
don't just walk away
Cause I have this need to tell you
why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me
still living in your eyes
won't you share a part
of a weary heart that has lived a million lives

Oh, I've been to Nice and the isle of Greece
when I sipped champagne on a yacht
I moved like Harlo in Monte Carlo
and showed them what I've got
I've been undressed by kings
and I've seen some things that a woman ain't s'pose to see
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me...

Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie
a fantasy we created about people and places
as we like them to be
but you know what truth is?
it's that little baby you're holding
and it's that man you fought with this morning
the same one you are gonna make love to tonight
that's truth that's love

sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children
that might have made me complete
but I, I took the sweet life
I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet

I spent my life exploring
the subtle whoreing
that cost to much to be free
hey lady I've been to paradise
but I've never been to me...

I've been to paradise but I've never been to me...

Easter Sunday...the rebirth of Christ. i only wish my life can be rearraged and eventually turn out good for me and my kids. right now, i am just thankful that nothing has happened to me and to my baby. i am starting to give up on someone right now. i want that to be my resolution. it doesn't make sense. i just need to exert more energy to make things happen without the worries and the paranoia...

yesterday, we attended my friend alej's niece's cowgirl party. darrell rode the pony for picture taking. he was so cute...i let him experience the farm ambiance by putting him in the cage with the animals and other kids. he got close to the turtle and he almost rode it. he was crawling and wanted to bang heads with the kid(baby goat). oh my baby...and the big, huge, gigantic goat was so wild that if i didn't take darrell out of the barn area, he'd step on darrell uncontrollably. but all in all, it was fun. the food was great and darrell had fun. i even let him play inside the jumper. we both had a blast.

in the evening, i had to check out someone and as usual, he's in his favorite hang out...

it's Good Friday. time to repent, time to reassess things, time to reflect on the life that we lead--whether it's full of sins or goodness. nobody's perfect, nobody's made to be. we have out own flaws. i am just thankful that i still have sanity. i live in a country where there is a universal understanding of respecting other people's beliefs and traditions. i miss the semana santa (lenten season) traditions back home. there is the bisita iglesia and station of the cross on maundy thursday, confession and repentance on good friday, meditation on black saturday, fiesta on easter sunday. i haven't observed these traditions since i came here. i miss the observance of these very important events in the catholic world.

i bought my dad yellow flowers today and put it at the altar. they are just beautiful. i went to carson and ate in jollibee. i rarely eat by myself but, when i got there, i never really cared a bit. it was good hearing filipinos talking and laughing around me. it's like i was back home. i miss home. i miss my family. i miss my friends. i miss the food. i miss the pollution, the noise jeepneys make, the traffic in EDSA, the congestion in MRT, whew! how i wish i could go back home and feel secured and safe than ever.

today, i am making an easter resolution. since it's the rebirth of Christ, i want to make a pledge to myself and i hope i can stand by it. from this day forward, i plan to make myself a more productive individual by taking care of myself and looking after my children without being distracted by outside forces--those who are not part of my family and my friends. i plan to be more optimistic on everything that would transpire in my life this year. i plan to make myself stronger, tougher, more disciplined, more reserved and more mature in dealing with problems, trials and heartaches...

may the GOOD LORD help me attain this easter resolution...

i guess i need to sort out my feelings and my emotions. i find it so hard to just sit and think. there is always a distraction whenever i start to evaluate the things that are happening to me. first, i need to set my priorities straight. i can't be too slefish on things. i know i am hurting some people and i know it's not good. but, things are very hard to explain. as the cliche' goes, if i could just move mountains, i would. right now, i don't have much resources to even attempt to go near the mountain. my kids are my precious belongings. they should be here with me, with their youngest brother. but, because things didn't turn out good, i have to seek help from another person to help me with my situation.

i lost the game. i can't believe i'd be hurting like this but, i guess things happen for a reason. i might be hurting today but, for sure, one day soon, i'll get up on my feet and start walking towards progress...for my kids, for my mom, for my sister and my brothers. i can't let them down, especially my pudra who's playing golf with st. peter as we speak...

i have been crying these past few days. emotions are overflowing. it's hard to accept reality. the catch is that i lost the battle. someone won the game. i mistreated someone who i realized was a good person. it's just that i was overwhelmed with so much attention from the outside world that i disregarded his feelings. now, he's decided to move on without me. i feel so bad because i realized i messed up things between us. this is not supposed to happen if i only became submissive and timid and patient and sane. if i was selfish, i would have gone back home by now. but, i was thinking of other people and i know a lot of them kindda depend on me and the future i will help them build.

when it dawned on me that i am losing this person, i cried and cried till i can't cry no more. it might be because of too much jealousy over a bitch or it might be because he opened my eyes to what happened. everything is not in order. everything is messed up. everything is gone. there's no turning back. he said he is moving on without me. he said i hurt him bad that he doesn't want to deal with me anymore...what am i to do now? it's my turn to cry, i guess. sometimes, you just believe what you want to believe ang regret making those crazy decisions because there are things you just can't take back...i'll just cry for now and see if i run out of energy to shed tears...

yesterday was a very beautiful day. i did not go to work. i felt so weak to even get up. darrell and i spent the whole day kicking it at home. in the afternoon, we got a call from tita vicky, gabriel's mom, luis' bestfriend in claret. the whole family is here. darrell and i went to residence inn where they were staying. i met tito rene, paulo, tina, miguel and luis' bestfriend, gabriel. it was fun. i felt so close to her because she was like an extension of my "people" back home.

her story is a very sad one, though. i don't know how to describe her life but, it's tough, tougher than mine. the only difference why it's tougher is that she doesn't want to leave her kids and she is scared of what her husband is capable of doing...(kindda like the same reasons that i have...heheheheheh)

this is a very sad story but i hope you, who is reading this, will try to analyze her situation and realize how blessed and fortunate we all are. she has been with this man for 17 or 18 years. they have 4 children (17, 16, 10, 8). she is a very nice lady. she is a very loving and concerned mom. from what i see in her, she is devoted to her children. the catch? her husband beats her up in the HEAD (as in!). this started a long time ago. this still goes on. i felt sorry for her. she said she tries to tolerate it for her children. i can't believe it. she is a small, petite woman and she is a very nice one at that. i don't know the whole story but, still, no one can justify the battery that she gets from her husband. i heard from an acquaintance that there is a shelter in the Philippines supported by an NGO who helps battered women. i wanted her to wake up to reality. she told me the children do not respect her since they see how their father beats her up. she said she can't leave him because she doesn't want to separate from her kids and that she can't make it on her own. she said she fears for her life since her husband belongs to an influential clan. tst tsk tsk tsk...

i can only sympathize for her...i can only hope and pray that one day, she won't regret the day she hesitated to leave him. i might be stupid and love-hungry but, one thing i will never tolerate is physical abuse and public embarrassment...which made me think...the movie ENOUGH is a good flick to watch...

"Ex-Girlfriend" NO DOUBT

I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
And you know it makes me sick to be on that list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

You say you're gonna burn before you mellow
I will be the one to burn you
Why'd you have to go and pick me?
When you knew that we were different, completely

I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend

I'm another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

Your wildness scares me
So does your freedom
You say you can't stand the restrictions
I find myself trying to change you
If you were meant to be my lover I wouldn't have to

And I feel so mean, I feel in between
'Cause I'm about to give you away

I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend (for someone else to take)
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend (am I making a mistake?)
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them (all the time that we wasted)
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girl, friend

I'm another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed
I'm another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

I'm about to give you away for someone else to take
I'm about to give you away for someone else to take

We keep repeating mistakes for souvenirs
And we've been in between the days for years
And I know that when I see you I'm going to die
I know I'm going to want you and you know why
It's going to kill me to see you with the next girl
'Cause I'm the most gorgeously jealous kind of ex-girl

But I should have thought of that before we kissed...

I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend

I'm another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed
I'm another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

***why can't i be happy with the choice i made??? whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy????? i always get the wrong person to love...shit!