i have been crying these past few days. emotions are overflowing. it's hard to accept reality. the catch is that i lost the battle. someone won the game. i mistreated someone who i realized was a good person. it's just that i was overwhelmed with so much attention from the outside world that i disregarded his feelings. now, he's decided to move on without me. i feel so bad because i realized i messed up things between us. this is not supposed to happen if i only became submissive and timid and patient and sane. if i was selfish, i would have gone back home by now. but, i was thinking of other people and i know a lot of them kindda depend on me and the future i will help them build.

when it dawned on me that i am losing this person, i cried and cried till i can't cry no more. it might be because of too much jealousy over a bitch or it might be because he opened my eyes to what happened. everything is not in order. everything is messed up. everything is gone. there's no turning back. he said he is moving on without me. he said i hurt him bad that he doesn't want to deal with me anymore...what am i to do now? it's my turn to cry, i guess. sometimes, you just believe what you want to believe ang regret making those crazy decisions because there are things you just can't take back...i'll just cry for now and see if i run out of energy to shed tears...