well, back to nonsense. i thought i had him back. but, i guess i was wrong. i just assumed that he's back. i just pretended that he's back. all these problems. i want to let go. i want to just get rid of these emotions. ano ba namannnnnn...

now, i feel so miserable, so fuckin' miserable. i don't know what i'll do now. i am lost. i have all the signs written all over the place but, i am so blind to even see them. i need to find some form of diversion to this depression. i go to the gym but, i don't enjoy working out. this is bad for my health. this makes me cry, puts me to sleep at 4am, makes me crave for sleep, makes me late for work, makes me want to buy a gun and shoot both of them in the head.

i want some peace...how come it's as if i'm not entitled to it? why?????